The New Tubeadvertisement
The New Tube
The New Tube

A new quality service for our most valued customers

London Underground is pleased to announce a new level of service for our most valued customers. We are now piloting a new Business Class service.

If you are entitled to this service, you know who you are. We know you as one of the movers and shakers who make London not just a capital city but a vibrant centre of capital. Some of you will make the Public Private Partnership work for yourselves and your shareholders. We're making the Tube work for you too.

What will it mean?

You know the problems with the Tube. Decades of under-funding by government have left stations crumbling and trains unreliable. But above all the problem facing you, our special customers, is overcrowding. And the people you get crowded with.

The Public Private Partnership will bring all the flair and social consciousness of corporations to bear on the task of running trains on time and safely whenever this is profitable. Corporations like Bechtel, famous for its safety record in running nuclear plants, and Balfour Beatty, which has never bribed government officials nor conspired to wipe out the centre of Kurdish culture. Corporations that will brook no nonsense from trades unions about outdated safety rules or working hours.

This will take time. So we're solving your biggest problem now. We want to bring you, our really important customers, back to the Tube. So we're giving you your own carriages - Business Class Tube.

What next?

Over time, we will introduce new features to Business Class Tube. Your carriages will be carpeted. In our long-term vision, attendants will serve complimentary refreshments to you in your club-style armchair seat. The Business Class section of station platforms will be patrolled to ensure that you are not inconvenienced by meeting common people. We will introduce special direct-to-platform lifts at the stations you use most.

We may at some point need to increase Business Class fares as these improvements come on line. But, in the spirit of the Public Private Partnership, we will finance their introduction by making savings elsewhere. We will for example take the seats out of Cattle Class carriages so they can be cleaned with high-pressure hoses once a month. Look at where those people live: will they mind? And who listens to them anyway?

Some of them may start talking to each other. Some may take the day off work and occupy trains. Some may hold Tube Parties spontaneously demanding the return of an unprofitably safe and accountable public service.

Welcome to your Tube!

But if we can get the public to hand their Tube over to you, you will no longer face the nightmare of being squashed with the unwashed! If you have comments on this exciting market-led initiative, please see the Feedback contacts page.

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Transport for London