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RTS set to face "premature anti-WTOism" claim

7am Saturday 4 December: The BBC reports and CNN confirms that the World Trade Organization talks in Seattle are about to end without agreeing an agenda for further talks.

This is getting silly. We've really only been on the case for a bit over two years.

Comrades (never met 'em, guv) managed to communicate directly with those inside the WTO talks. A representative to the talks from a Caribbean country, asked by the BBC for a comment on the protests, said "They were the best bit. They were saying the things we've been trying to say, and we've been ignored." And Le Monde reports that "sabotage action in Geneva cut off power to the WTO headquarters" there (watch to see whether this makes the papers elsewhere).

Of course, big business' plans will be back, just as parts of the Multilateral Agreement on Investment were being gussied up for the WTO agenda. But this gives everyone concerned at least another year to sort it. Corporations will go on wrecking the environment - for a while. These days this means threatening life on earth - or at least charismatic megafauna like us. They will go on controlling the media that tell people what's important in their lives - for a while. And just plain ripping people off. But they won't have a WTO agreement that claims to make it illegal for anyone to do anything about it.

RTS is a disorganisation and insists that nothing is an official position. Non-members revealed exclusively tonight that they have access to a mysterious technology, capable of spreading dissident ideas, called "books". They claim that lots of them have "read" several different "books" - including many who have never been accredited by a recognised university - and not all the same ones.

A non-spokescreature said: "Several of us are now expecting to be hauled in on charges of premature anti-WTOism" relating to events in June and before. The Sunday Times is expected to deploy a smear of crack researchers to discover the sinister meaning of this statement.

Minister of the Interior Jack Straw is believed to be personally directing operations to unmask the shadowy figure behind the dark forces' claim that:

The proposal of any new order or regulation of commerce which comes from corporations ought always to be listened to with great precaution, and ought never to be adopted till after having been long examined, not only with the most scrupulous, but also the most suspicious attention.

It comes from an order of men whose interest is never exactly the same with that of the public, who have generally an interest to deceive and even to oppress the public, and who accordingly have on many occasions, both deceived and oppressed it.

A spokescockroach, meanwhile, commented "Bugger. But the plan for world domination will be reviewed and every avenue for persuading these damn humans to do something in our best interests, like extinction, will be vigorously explored."

6 Dec 1999